Thursday, August 12, 2010

Unhealthy Relationships.....Are you in one?

I'm back....Better than before! I really appreciate the love and support you've given me since I began blogging. I pray that you are being inspired, uplifted, and empowered by the gift that God has entrusted me much as I am. I love and enjoy what I do!

I had an epiphany regarding my unhealthy situation after viewing this video. Did it have an affect on you, if so, please share? What I realized about my situation or experience was that I allowed it....I didn't like it, but I did allow it. I'm sure the question you may be asking is, Why would I (any women) stay in an abusive or unhealthy situation? Well, I'm  going to list a few reasons "we" stay according to Dr. Laura Schlessinger in her book, Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives". Fear, self-doubt, no sense of purpose, people-pleasing, low self-esteem, questioning your right to leave(married), shame or guilt, dependency(security/financial stability), and familiarity.

I can only speak from my personal experience in hope that you will find the strength to live better, be better period! My reasons for staying as long as I did and even returning to the scene of the crime, had more to do with my way of thinking....that I always made the wrong decisions, so you see, it didn't really matter what decision I made....IT WOULD BE WRONG! I was stuck on an emotional rollercoaster, I was scared, but wasn't I suppose to be enjoying it? I am a Christian, I shouldn't have the spirit of fear, should I? It was very difficult for me to walk in obedience in the spirit because surely God was not telling me to leave my husband, He despises divorce! I wasn't understanding that if I remained, I was not operating in the Will of God for my life......I simply could not serve 2 masters! This is where my logical thinking could not understand and that left me doubtful and confused. The Bible warns against a double-minded person in James 1:5-8. I suffered simply because I was deficient in wisdom, but now by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2), I can walk in victory! I can honestly tell you that my biggest hinderance was being a people-pleaser, not realizing that it was unhealthy even when I was being abused by the very person I was trying so desperately to please. I can not go in depth about my personal struggle with abuse and how I am rebuilding and transforming my life in one blog post....that's why I'm writing a memoir, but in sharing this tid-bit I hope that it has encouraged you to come out of darkness....begin loving yourself, and seek help! As stated by Dr. Schlessinger, "Generally, women resent and resist the idea of acknowledging up front what we are in reality accepting and putting up with anyway!" I completely agree, not because she is a Psychotherapist, but because I have experienced those emotions that keep us bound. I had to come clean, yeah he was abusive, controlling, manipulative and just down right negative, but the truth of the matter was that I continued to subject myself to the pain just so I could avoid appearing weak. I realized how weak I was by not protecting my own best interest, not just for me, but my kids as well. I found strength to admit that I was allowing it and began to pick up the pieces. My sincere desire for you all who may be suffering from abuse, as defined by Webster's New World Dictionary-1)to use wrongly 2)to mistreat esp. by inflicting physical or sexual harm on 3)to insult; revile-insulting language, is that you acknowledge it and take the necessary steps to living better, being better period! I'm leaving you with an inspiring exert from T. D. Jakes, The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord just in case you feel like I felt.....ashamed, embarrassed, alone, doubtful, and confused:

"You must look right into the flaming inferno of hellish situations and declare through parched, lonely, tear stainded lips, "I will go on." Inside every victim there is harsh tenacity and steel will. Courage is born out of crises. Little girl, you have the power. It is in you through Christ. It is in you to succeed. No one succeeds without overcoming opposition. Wipe your face, strengthen your back, hold up your head, and survive! No one can change their yesterdays, no matter how terrible they may have been. Update your life.  This is now, not then. I pray for your courage to endure what you cannot change. Completely remodel the things that you can, and tell the rest of it to go play in traffic!"

Last but not least, I want to acknowledge Eminem for his very real depiction of an unhealthy relationship, although very disturbing, it is a haunting reality. Please check out for information and resources.

I am moving towards a "Soul Beautiful" life, I pray that you will join me in *ACTION*BEING*DOING*PROGRESSING!


  1. Ohhhhhhhh, my sister. I knew when I read your posts on Facebook that we were kindred souls. I hail from the other side of abuse. The physically freed side and the other -ally's becoming free as layers are revealed and sloughed off. Love heals. But many times, we who have been abused don't know how to recognize it. I appreciate your blog and your courage to be real. I agree with Jakes when he says that people need "real" heroes. They need to hear our testimonies without all the cliches and glamorizations and all the "giving honor to God for my here-being." They need to see the God who is with you in the struggle to become whom He envisions. They need to see the God who has enough grace to put things right when we've put things wrong. They need to give themselves permission to fall as long as they fall into His loving arms. I appreciate the gift within you and I look forward to more posts. Yours in the struggle to BE...simply BE.

  2. Thanks Suzette! I am so grateful for those that take the time to read my posts and really connect with my spirit....this is exactly what God intended! I will continue to share this wonderful gift that God has given me with as many people He wills me to....I believe that the only way we can make a difference is by being transparent....keep it real! Yes we must let them know that God is there at ALL posts coming soon!